So it's come to this: Celebrity Anagrams!

I'm laying off the palindromes for a while, but I still have the useless wordplay itch.
And so, inspired by The Simpsons ("...Jeremy's...iron...?") I give you these useless anagrams which, hopefully, in some way reflect the character of their source.

Lou Reed: Dour eel (he's kind of a bitch, I hear)

George Lucas: Glucose rage (he's disgustingly fat)

Ben Kingsley: King...Bensley? Eh, I'm tired. I think I'm done with these too.

Stingy Sharks

A real scoop here:

Shark Attacks Decline; could recession be a factor?

Apparently attacks have plummeted from 71 in 2007 to 59 in 2008. And this intrepid reporter has extrapolated much from this 11 point dip. I know I'm misreading the article, but I like to think that the economic downturn has even rattled ocean creatures. Whales are slimming down. Jellyfish are learning second trades. Hopeless sea otters are committing suicide. And sharks, apparently, are taking fewer risks.

I swear, not a month goes by that I don't get suckered into reading a totally pointless article about sharks. There's really not much news to report in the shark world--they haven't evolved in 500 million years. But I can't resist!

Oregon or Bust

Wagon directions to Portland, OR

1,803 mi – about 322 days 13 hours

Independence, MO

1.	Head north on N Main St toward W Maple Ave		226 ft
2.	Turn left at W Maple Ave		0.8 mi
3.	Short rest; Billy has scarlet fever		0.o mi
4.	Veer right into canyon		46 ft
5.	Continue, straight ahead, through canyon		70 mi
6.	Stop. Hunt. Shoot and kill 47 buffalo; 20 deer; 0 squirrel		0.0 mi
7.	Carry back 1.5 buffalo		1.1 mi
8.	Turn right at brook		0.3 mi
9.	Stop at river		0.2 mi
10.	Attempt to ford the river		0.7 mi
11.	Lose 2 oxen		0.0 mi
12.	Go west...		1,800 mi
13.	Billy has cholera		7.3 mi
14.	Billy is dead		0.0 mi
15.	Shoot and kill 55 buffalo		0.o mi

(Special thanks to Josh for inspiring this)

Ax-Trackin'

I bought a guitar (a mid-sixties gibson b-25, for those who are hip to this sort of thing) last week! I'm rather enjoying it.
I also enjoyed tracking its shipment across the country on ups.com, though I was a bit unnerved by the thoroughness of this truly incredible service:

Springfield, IA 01/25/09 8:00 AM: RECEIVED AT CENTRAL LOADING

Springfield, IA 01/25/09 10:00 AM: IN TRANSIT

Jefferson City, MO 1/25/09 6:30 PM: PACKAGE ACCIDENTALLY OPENED DUE TO TRUCK SWERVING TO MISS SMALL RABBIT-LIKE CREATURE

Jefferson City, MO: 1/25/09 6:37 PM: PACKAGE RESEALED; NO HARM DONE

Longford, KS 1/26/09 12:45 PM: PACKAGE REOPENED DUE TO BOREDOM

Longford, KS 1/26/09 12:45 PM: "HILLBILLY THEME FROM DELIVERANCE" ATTEMPTED

Longford, KS 1/26/09 12:47 PM: SECOND ATTEMPT: "THEME FROM DELIVERANCE"

Lonford, KS 1/26/09 12:51 PM: FIRST ATTEMPT: "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN"

And it goes on like this!
Remarkable candor, I must say.

'Drome sweet 'drome

Quarrel, lewd dweller Rauq!

Standards

I grow weary of eating the same meal for lunch rather quickly, and so lately I've been widening my search radius. The other day, I tried an Indian buffet on Shattuck, Viceroy. I'd passed it many times and for some reason never considered it a viable option.

What caught my eye was the sign on the window:
WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NEW MANAGEMENT!
NEW MENU!
NEW STANDARDS!

It was this final pronouncement that I found startling. What were the old standards? Had that line not been included, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. New managment? Great. New menu? Lay it on me. New standards? Good lord! What grim, godless acts took place in the old Viceroy? While seating myself near the buffet, I imagined the following sign:

WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NOW IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS!

Or how about:

WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NEW MANAGEMENT!
NEW MENU!
NEW SLOP BUCKET!
NEW DEFINITION OF "CLEAN"!
NEW POSITIVE OUTLOOK + RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION!
NEW UNDERSTANDING OF CHILD LABOR LAWS!!!

The hits (?) keep coming

So, this one takes a little explaining but it actually follows a certain logic.

Imagine a semi-literate pedal steel guitarist auditioning for Daniel Lanois (famed producer and frequent user of the pedal steel). Might he not employ this palindromic phrase?

Won Lanois' accolade. Pedal occasional now.

I think he might.