Saturday, January 31, 2009

'Drome sweet 'drome

Quarrel, lewd dweller Rauq!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Standards

I grow weary of eating the same meal for lunch rather quickly, and so lately I've been widening my search radius. The other day, I tried an Indian buffet on Shattuck, Viceroy. I'd passed it many times and for some reason never considered it a viable option.

What caught my eye was the sign on the window:
WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NEW MANAGEMENT!
NEW MENU!
NEW STANDARDS!

It was this final pronouncement that I found startling. What were the old standards? Had that line not been included, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. New managment? Great. New menu? Lay it on me. New standards? Good lord! What grim, godless acts took place in the old Viceroy? While seating myself near the buffet, I imagined the following sign:

WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NOW IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS!

Or how about:

WELCOME TO THE NEW VICEROY!
NEW MANAGEMENT!
NEW MENU!
NEW SLOP BUCKET!
NEW DEFINITION OF "CLEAN"!
NEW POSITIVE OUTLOOK + RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION!
NEW UNDERSTANDING OF CHILD LABOR LAWS!!!

The hits (?) keep coming

So, this one takes a little explaining but it actually follows a certain logic.

Imagine a semi-literate pedal steel guitarist auditioning for Daniel Lanois (famed producer and frequent user of the pedal steel). Might he not employ this palindromic phrase?

Won Lanois' accolade. Pedal occasional now.

I think he might.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

As promised

Here's a more coherent 'drome that came to me (mostly) in between snooze-alarm buzzes.

This could actually be used, following a poor experience in a restaurant:

Pleh. Y tip? Putrid dirt, uppity help.

My best yet? Surely.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Time to reveal my myriad talents

Is there a market for mediocre palindromes?

Here's one:
Fool! As i tremor'd 'n I laphed, deh palindromer, 'tis aloof!

Here's another--it's multilingual!:
Sur la walrus

More on the way!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Firsties

So, a month ago, I created a facebook account, and found the experience rather enjoyable. Now I'm writing a blog. I'm not exactly ahead of the curve here. Maybe next week I'll buy some sneakers with lights in the heels.

For my first blog post, I would like to air a grievance (this may become a recurring feature). Several years ago I found myself in the habit of creating absurd theoretical franchises. One of my most successful was a proposed competitor to Linens 'N Things, Sheets 'N Shit.
Recently, I was pointed in the direction of this article

Now, I wouldn't have minded too much if The Onion had stumbled upon Sheets 'N Shit on their own--but they didn't. They came up with Linens 'N Shit--much worse, in my opinion.
But the really frustrating thing is how easy it is to google any little pun or clever notion that pops into your head. Someone's already gotten there first. Even the ridiculous band name Rumpelforeskin (my brother Jake came up with this one) turned out to be a real band (now defunct)! Everything's been done, and it's much harder than it used to be to delude oneself into thinking otherwise.

What a downer!